Top 20 Funny Quotes In English

Funny Quotes In English

In This Quote You Can Share Funny Quotes In English

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

Charles Lamb

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Steven Wright

The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.

Sid Caesar

A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.

Samuel Goldwyn

If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.

Billy Wilder

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Al McGuire

Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.

Ellen DeGeneres

Tell your boss what you really think about him and the truth shall set you free.

Patrick Murray

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Edgar Bergen

Sometimes, the worst place you can be is in your own head.

Best Funny Quotes In English

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

Tim Allen

When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.

Richard Lewis

A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Steven Wright

The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.

Josh Billings

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Dale Carnegie

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Abraham Lincoln

Without the will or desire to achieve one is like flotsam on the oceans of time.

Steven Redhead

The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.

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